And they called it puppy love

November 20, 2009 jetset1

Ok so I have mentioned in the past my crazy dog and equally crazed daddy, but up until today I was blissfully unaware of the guerilla warfare campaign that they waged against each other while I was absent from the house.

Seriously I wish I was making this stuff up.

When daddy and doggy were first introduced they where not as friendly as they are now. In the beginning daddy would try hard to get along with doggie but doggie was having none of it. She was not a bitch, she was THE bitch and it was Miss Bitch to him. When I was not around daddy would try and fail to get her to do the simplest things like move or simply notice him. This became a problem as she is a little dog with a little bladder and can’t hold things in the whole day I’m at work. Daddy would try to call her, lift her, coax her but nothing would work. She simply ignored him and stayed in her own doggie world and peed when the need took her.

So daddy stepped up the tactics. The first one wasn’t that successful. It involved a golf umbrella. While she was on the chair he brought in said golf umbrella and proceeded to rapidly open and close it at her. This startled her but basically it just meant that he spent 10 minutes running around the sitting room flapping an umbrella at a dog (think Sean Connery in The Last Crusade) who was jumping from chair to chair over the table and under the furniture and generally making a mess.

So daddy went back to the drawing board. This time he watched his target. Looking for weaknesses to exploit. He knew that she would never leave the room if he was still there. Likewise she would not go wandering around the house unless she was sure he was upstairs out of the way. A plan formed.

He waited for the opportune moment. Before doggie came downstairs at 12pm (as was her habit) daddy took a length of clear plastic string and tied it to the door handle of the sitting room. After a while of her staring him down he got up and went out to the kitchen and poured some food into her bowl loud enough for her to hear. He went back to the sitting room and looked in. She had taken the bait. Ears were alert, head was cocked. She wanted that food but would never go for it if he was in the way. So daddy quietly picked up the other end of the string and made a big production of walking upstairs. He waited for his moment. Sure enough as soon as he reached the top he heard her claws on the floor and saw her creep out the door as soon as she was out enough he yanked the string cutting of her retreat, then pounded back down the stairs leaving the kitchen as her only escape. He chased and shut the kitchen door behind him. The only option open to her now. THE BACK GARDEN. Success she was out, she did her business. daddy had managed to outwit a terrier (it’s quite a feat they are very intelligent)

But it didn’t  end there. Oh no, doggie obviously took serious offence to being tricked so she launched her counter attack. Not quite so sophisticated in its exacution but still effective. It basically involved her holding in a little something till about 3 in the morning. She would then poop in strategically placed points around the room. For example the side of the bed he got out of in the morning. Or at the window. Basically places he would stand without looking first. Occasionally she would even go so far as to do the deed then bark so as to wake daddy up to see what the fuss was about and, well, he put his foot in it. This was quite bold of her I think. She did it so she could see the look on his face and he would know it was her. ( well I would hope he knew it was her cause it sure as hell wasn’t me)

all of this I found out today sitting on the sofa watching daddy and doggie cuddle in his chair. They have had their differences but  in their campaign of terror they found something else. Respect. They were Nemesis but now have agreed that are equals and a ceasefire has been called. The world is at ease, I can sleep now knowing I will not wake up to shouting and cursing at 4 in the morning. I no longer have to come home to a house that while tidy looks ever so slightly ascue. But most of, most of all I don’t have to clean up poop!

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